I found an old journal i was writing in from last summer, and I still want to write in it and use it because it's only half full (no surprise there) and it's got a pretty rad cover... but what inside it, what's hidden between those pages is what I use to be. Very depressed, very lonely, very sad, very awful. It contains what I don't want to remember about myself, and what I don't even want to read ever again.. it kills me to not use the journal anymore, but i dont know if i can.. I would rip out all the pages but it literally is like half full.. i might just bury it.. or burn it. I can read every other half written in journals... they're funny... not this one.. too much shit has happened in that book that I wouldn't want anyone to have to read what made them feel the lowest of lows... ever. never.
I want to start a new journal... but not really write about my life... that's what this is for... but to doodle and write thoughts and stories and poems in.. I want a small one so i can carry it with me in my bag... and one with blank pages, so its not really a typical journal.. but a thoughts book. a me book. stuff i would like to write down when i get something in my head and need a place to write it.. Like a real writer.. I would love to be a writer. someone who gets paid to write. or an author. to make up stories and get paid lots of monies for it. : )
Plus. I like my life now. I love it to be honest. I mean it sometimes sucks.. there's things i would change for sure. But I am probably the happiest I have been in a really really long time.
I'd like to make something of it... well... i am here.. and i love blogging... but i really like seeing my own hand writing sometimes... i need that sometimes.. and i like doodling. its fun.. people think you're really arty that way haha. so. thats it. i let you know how it goes.
later taters.
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