Day 30: Who Am I?

Who am I? That’s a good question.

let’s take a look.

I’m Suzie. I am 22 years old, I am a native Chicagoan. I love my city and I don’t know if I could ever leave here. I am Chicago Fan, I like hockey and baseball, and sometimes Football… if you’re from a different city I think your team sucks and I don’t care about the stats. Chicago teams pretty much suck, so you’re probably right when you say yours is better, but I’ll defend my city’s teams til the day I die. I am a music enthusiast. It is my life and without music my life would be absolutely horrendous. I love going to live shows, and I am pretty tolerable to all music. I have a very wide taste in music too. I am a little sister. I have the best two older brothers a girl could ask for. No matter how much we fight or argue we still always are there for each other and help each other when its possible.

But most importantly, I am me. I have never changed for anyone and I never plan on changing. I am honest (sometimes too honest) and kind and loving. I am always there when you need me and I am always willing to help out when you’re in need. I am never fake or pretend to be someone i am not. I am me, and that’s who I’ll always be.

“Love me or leave me, or rip me apart, This is the Voice that I was given and if you don’t like it take a long walk off of the shortest pier you can find, ‘cause I’ll be singing it out, I’ll be singing…” -TAI…

Day 29: What I Have Learned This Past Month.

In the last month I’ve learned not to rely on other people to be there all the time. Sometimes people will let you down, and so will the weather… no matter how rain-proof your tent is, it’s still not gonna keep the flood from leaking in and soaking your blankets. Sometimes people are very petty and choose not to do things for others because of silly miscommunications… I’ve learned not to take the turns too fast or you will fall off your bike and damage your knees and elbows. Sometimes the refrigerator repair man doesn’t get it right the first time, or second time, or even third time, so you just have to give in and buy a new one. even the smallest things, like a 3 year old going pee on the big potty are the most rewarding of things. sometimes the people who you think you know the best are the people who you don’t know at all and the people who you don’t know are the people you can relate to the most…

that’s all for now i guess, i can’t think of anything else.

i’m hungry.

later taters.

I went to the Famous Like You CD release show last night

and I have a few thoughts on it.

It’s so nuts to see the same band and same guys that I’ve been going to see for a year or so now up on stage not singing and playing the songs I know by heart, but playing new ones that in a matter of days I will know too. While I was watching them play their new songs there was this sense of new everywhere. They seemed happier if that’s possible. Don’t get me wrong they always look happy when they’re up on stage doing what they love to do the most, but they just looked happier. And older. I mean yeah, logically they are all older, but playing these songs made the band as a whole look more mature. Like, I can think back to all the A Kidnap In Color shows and it all felt a little childish, but there was this sense of grown-up last night, I just can’t really explain. You would have just had to have been there… I think the new songs are probably the biggest factor in this. They are a deeper and more universal so people can relate to them a little more than A Kidnap in Color’s songs. Don’t get me wrong, AKIC songs were all very catchy, but that’s all they were pretty much. I don’t think I could really relate to any of those songs beside Leave the Light on. But from the few songs I have heard from Famous Like You, I’m sure pretty much everyone could find something to relate to in at least one of the songs.

It was good to see that they still had the same fans come out to see them, I recognized a lot of the same faces from old shows… it’s good to see that kids are still gonna support them even with a name change and new songs. but like I see it, they’re the same band, the same group of great guys, same musicians, they just changed their name, kicked the old songs out and wrote a bunch of better ones. (I’m not saying AKIC songs were bad at all, just saying FLY’s new songs are gonna be hits.)

Out with the old, and in with new right?

So,to Davey, Peter, Dan and Chris, great job last night. I look forward to listening to your new EP on repeat for a while and can’t wait to see you lovely fellas at more shows. Keep doing what you guys do, because it’s working for you.

i do realize that i skipped a day...

day 27 was stupid. it was like.. why am i doing this 30 day challenge? my answer was kind of stupid too... if you wanna read it go to my tumblr.. its on there.

later taters.

Day 28: A picture of me last year and a picture of me now. how have I changed?

Let me tell you finding a decent picture from last year and figuring out if it really was last year or the year before that was harder than I thought… fml. but I finally found one. despite it all.

Last Year I kind of looked like this:

Now I look like this:

wanna know how I changed?

well to start with… I have longer hair… haha. and I wear it down a lot more than I use to..

last year I was mildly depressed, my friends, the ones that were still talking to me were not really friends and created a lot of drama around me. I was going to a school i seriously hated, majoring in something I wasn’t sure I still wanted to go into, was watching my parents go through/finalizing a divorce at the age of 21.. as hard as I tried to be happy I wasn’t getting there.

it all seemed to change in a few weeks after the new year…

2010 rolled around I went to Florida started to become friends with Sam again, went to school for two days and pretty much got kicked out (I withdrew myself actually, which i feel was more powerful than actually getting withdrawn by the school)… enrolled in a few classes at the local Community College and I was happier than I ever was. Sam and I stared a revolution in the local music scene.. we became biffstonches, we took over the world and made it ours. I’m not currently enrolled in any kind of school, I think maybe a semester or two off will be good. I think I’m gonna help Sam with Abbey and her going to some afternoon classes or whatnot… and in a few weeks I will be an AUNT!! for the first time! I can’t wait!

It’s magical how a few simple moves can make you change from ultimately unhappy to pretty much the happiest person in the world.

random thoughts today.

i think the worst feeling is being let down by a friend who I would have dropped anything for. If it doesn't go her way it's the end of the world, but if it doesn't go my way I'm the bad person for getting upset. I'm sorry, weren't you the one who said you value my opinion and feelings as an individual? this is the second time you've shown that you really don't care. and that hurts. but whatever. you always get your way some how, not don't you.

Day 26: What I Think of My Friends.

every friend I have ever had in my life I have loved with my whole heart. I’m not talking about acquaintances. That girl who sat next to me in Physics and we use to joke about how stupid our teacher was, or the boy who I use to share cookies with during B lunch because his mom use to give him like 10 and he couldn’t finish them. I don’t remember their names anyways. I’m talking about my FRIENDS. People who have come in to my life and touch my heart. Brought a piece of them, gave me their heart and I gave them mine, and even if they aren’t in my life anymore, they have certainly left a piece of them with me.

I have had numerous “best” friends and like most people have lost “best” friends. But along the way, you find out who were real friends and who were just in your life for a moment and then left.

They say that people come into your life to teach you a lesson and then leave. I don’t think I have ever learned a real lesson from my old friends. If anything, I have learned not to talk behind their backs, don’t lie or be fake. The people who matter don’t mind, and the people who don’t mind don’t matter… Be yourself. That’s what I learned. Your real friends wont care if your skinny or fat or short or tall, if you have straight blonde hair or brown curly hair… or if you wear glasses or braces. If they do care, then as hard as it is, you gotta cut them out.. all they’ll do is bring you down. oh. and drama free friends are the best. I’ve learned that certain people just like to carry drama wherever they go… I knew a girl who’s motto was “Drama doesn’t follow me, I carry it on my back” -yeah that’s some sweet Cute Is What We Aim For lyrics. But if they like drama they should go out for the school play or something… not be included in your life…

Now. on to my friends. Without them sometimes I would be useless. they are where I fall back on and I get to be me. We just do our thing and we don’t care what other people think… we are awesome bitches and we know it.. no one else’s opinions matter to us. No one else matters when we are together. We own this place. and we know it.

and with that said. I love Samantha Syslo with my more than my whole heart, like my whole being. She’s more than a friend, more like a sister. Which I hear is almost the same thing… I wouldn’t know, I don’t have a sister. Everyday we find something new about ourselves and everyday we find out how much more a like we are than we thought we were. She’s the best. Love you biff$tonch. (yeah I did use the $. ahaha) and if you don’t know what stonch means, well then, you’re just not cool enough.. : )

ok. that’s enough of this.

later taters.

I Am My Brother's Sister

I came up out of the tunnel on the trails fast took the turn too fast, I saw the gravel on the trail and slid. messed my knee up... I would have sat there on the trail and laughed at myself a little but there was a lady who saw me and stopped to help me. She was more worried about me than I was. I assured her I was ok.. and got back on my bike and kept riding... stopped at the park to wash off the dirt and blood and made sure it wasn't too bad... then rode to Brandon's to clean it then made my way home. I knew exactly what my mom's reaction would be... "OMG SUZIE WHAT HAPPENED?! WHAT DID YOU DO?! ARE YOU OK? all i could do was laugh.

Ben would be proud. and on his birthday. so, this one is for you Ben. Love you. :)

Day 25: What You Would FInd in My Bag

my whole world is in my bag.

there is:

a makeup bag

a bag of essentials i.e. band-aids, neosporin, hair ties, bobby pins, tampons, allergy meds, zit cream, lip gloss, flash drive, lighter, tide stick..

wallet.

camera

phone

keys

iPod and ear buds

gum

sunglasses

Dr. Pepper lip gloss

play-doh

body spray

dinosaur crazy bands

stegosaurus

& one blue monkey from barrel of monkeys.. thanks to Abbey.

that’s it… sometimes there’s other stuff. but that’s usually it…

Day 24: A Letter to Your Parents

Dear Mom,

I love you. so much. like beyond words. I don’t know who I would be or where I would be if you weren’t here for me and with me through everything we have gone through and well, my whole life. You are my rock. When my friends deserted me it was you who was there to talk to.. as far back as I can remember you were always there. And I appreciate that so much. you don’t even know. You have supported my every move in life and even if you didn’t fully agree with decisions you still supported me and let me be an individual. I know sometimes you feel under appreciated, not just by me, but the boys too, but even if we don’t show it, we feel it in our hearts. We are all very thankful you raised us so well, and you did so much with us that we have become three very cultured, well-rounded individuals. And we could not be ever so thankful for that. We love you all so much. Everything you do for us. Every little gesture or phone call. All the cookies, cakes, pies and brownies you have made and every wound you’ve bandaged, every injury you’ve wrapped and every sickness you’ve ailed. we love you. telling you a trillion times how much we love you couldn’t even begin to tell you how much we love you. You’re the best. and I love you.

Love, Suzie

now that I’m crying and I’m pretty sure when my mom reads that she’ll be crying I’m going to write another letter… to my dad… kind of… anyone who knows me will get it, and get a laugh out of it. : )

Dear Dad,

you don’t know I exist and that you gave me life. I admire you from afar and from the TV and movie screen. I watch you with wonder and pride at the same time. You are so successful and funny, I wonder what it would have been like to grow up with you and to know you. But I watch you and am proud to know that you are my father. Maybe one day I’ll get the courage and/or balls to find you and tell you who I am. I’ve read in the news that you got married. She looks nice, but kind of young, more like and older sister… I’VE ALWAYS WANTED A SISTER! and that you guys are expecting a child soon. Oh, how I wish I would have had that same privileges as that child will have. It’s not your fault, you didn’t know I exist. I don’t blame you for anything. I never will. One day you’ll know who I am… maybe we can do a movie about this whole thing. I bet it would be a funny story line. A great blockbuster, a true story with the real people who it’s about! Genius right? yeah, I am quite brilliant, but you wouldn’t know that. You don’t know who I am. I hope one day you will. Because I love you.

Love, Suzie

: ) hahahaha

ps. I guess if i really wrote a letter to my dad, I'd just get angry start swearing and crying and a whole big mess, so I opted to write one to my other dad. just easier on my well being right now.

kthanksbye.

love you.

Day 23: Something I Crave A Lot.

Starbees. more specific venti iced caramel macchiatos.

like right now. all i can think of is how much i want one... but driving to starbees just seems like so much effort right now...

every day I think about going and decide not to, but I still want to.. it's more of an addiction than a craving but, it's not serious or anything.

Day 22: What makes you different

my name is Suzie. no one else i know has my name. that makes me pretty different. I like to lie make up stories that don’t really happen in my life. I tell most of these lies stories to people I don’t know and will never see again. I usually don’t give a flying sh!t what people think or say about me unless your opinion is my mom’s, Ben’s or Sam’s. if you’re not one of them, I really could care less. I’m usually the one who says what everyone else is thinking. I don’t usually have a lot to say, I’m rather quiet, but when I do have something to say, I let it be heard. I don’t care if you judge me, because truth be told, I’m probably judging you too. It’s hard to poke fun at me because I make fun of myself, and if your laughing at me, well, I’m probably laughing at me too. I have 6 year old boy tendencies. I love dinosaurs and robots and riding my bike. plus I have A.D.D. and that doesn’t help much either… i get side tracked a lot and its hard for me to keep my attention on one thing at a time for very long. my life isn’t quite focused on one specific thing right now, just kind of living.

ok. i think that’s enough.

later taterrrrs!

DAy 21: A Picture of something that makes me happy.

So, I wanted to use music. that's probably the one thing that has and will always make me the happiest. no matter what I'm feeling I can turn to music and every care in the world is eliminated and I'm just happy. the picture is of The Maine's three albums, which I find myself listening to a lot lately. they make me happy too. Plus, John O'Callaghan is pretty nice to look at. he makes me happy too. haha.

Day 20: Someone who i can see myself marrying/being with in the future.

If I could see into my future I could answer this properly.

There are some people who I know will always be with me in my life.. like my mom and my brothers and Sam. But I don’t think that’s what your looking for. you want me to say something along the lines of my boyfriend that I have been dating since I was 15 and I can see myself marrying him and being with him til my last breath… but that’s not really my story.
I’d like to say I can see myself with someone like… like him… you know the band boy with the crooked smile. John Oh in particular. haha…

yeah.

ok. now that I have embarrassed myself enough today.

later taters.

Day 19: Nicknames I have and how I got them.

I don’t really have nicknames… just shorter versions of my real name… which i guess are nicknames, i just don’t have any cool ones…

people call me Suzie (obvies), Suz, Sue, Suzie Q (i personally hate that one.. i tell people it doesn’t bother me, but it drives me banana sandwich)… one of my old friends use calls me Anne because that’s the last half of my first name Suzanne… I’m pretty sure that’s all I have ever been called… my friends and family aren’t that creative… kind of funny seeing as I nickname everyone and everything..

oh ps.

that bike in the last post is my new ride, Stacii... she's pretty sweet. she rides faster than Peggy Sue my 1969 Schwinn Fiesta cruiser... don't get me wrong, i love my fiesta, just just like to ride faster than a grandma... :)

ok. later taters.

on to jersey shore...

kjbvoihgkjhsdvkjbsgoiuhofiujafknsobknoijsf

^^that's me dyeing a little. haha

Day 18: Pans/dreams/goals I have

Plans:

biking the trails on Stacii (yeah, i added an extra i.. because she’s amazing) everyday, or almost everyday with Sam.

not driving my car unless it is super nessacary.

drive to Vermont at the end of the month with my mom to visit some extraordinary family.

looking back into a legit school… maybe.

being the best aunt everrrrr when Little E gets here in the fall.

Dreams:

living either A. far far away from here, or B. in the city.

having a family of my own.

adopting a pit bull puppy.

Goals:

finish at least 2 books by the end of the summer.

finish the first journal and start the second one.

clean my room?

visit NYC when I’m out east.. and the Ben and Jerry’s factory :)

bike lots and lots…

that’s all i can think of right now… gotta get dressed and over to sam’s it’s Jersey Shore night… (Kill me please ;] )

Day 17: Someone You would switch Lives with & why

the girl on the left is Carey Mulligen aka Shia LaBeouf’s girl friend… haha. I’d switch lives with her… A. She’s SHIA’S GIRLFRIEND!!! and B. she’s british.

just for a day.

: )

Day 16: Another picture of myself.

it took me like foreverrrr to find another picture that didn't look half retarded... and i have always kind of liked this one... this is when i had dark(er) hair and it was cut suuuuuper short... like maybe 2 years ago... it's still me tho.

: )

Day 15: first 10 songs that come up on your Ipod on Shuffle.

I’m just glad my iPod works again…

and here we go!

1. Shut Up - Blink-182

2. Finger on the Trigger - Never Heard Of It

3. Scene Change - White Tie Affair

4. Right Now (na na na) - Akon

5. Three Oh Nine - Hit The Lights

6. Sweet Emotions - Aerosmith

7. It was Summer… (Baby Steps) - October Fall

8. Carry Me Home - The Hush Sound

9. Good News - Something Corporate

10. Cringe - Alkaline Trio

Day 14: A Picture of your family

I guess you wanted a picture of my immediate family, but this is it, plus my aunts, uncles and cousins for my mom’s side of the family.. PLUS that’s not all of them… we were in ATL for my cousin Sara’s wedding… this is right before my brother and cousin Dylan broke the revolving door and then we got into rape vans and went to the partyyyyy.

i think that was one of the best weddings i have ever been to, besides my oldest brother’s… that one was the best.