It's December. And it's cold. Of course it is, I live in the Northern Midwest. And there is snow on the ground. I'm OK with all of these things but one. The snow part. It's not that I don't think it's pretty and fun to play in, but it is the bane of my existence. I can not deal with the fact that when it comes down in any amount drivers seems to drive even more ridiculous than they usually do. And the fact that when it comes down in excess amounts I can not drive at all because it seems that the villages around my neighborhood seem to lack the proper tools needed to get it off the roads and my little car does not like driving on those roads at all. Poor Hottsie hates the snow. She got stuck in it last year and it wasn't fun for her at all.
Don't get me wrong about my feeling towards snow. Me and snow, we go way back. About 21 years to be exact. We have some good memories together. Sledding, backyard ice skating, snowball fights, snow angles and it's even gotten me out of school a couple times. And I still enjoy the sights of snow. It looks pretty on the dark barren trees in the dead of a Chicago winter, and it makes all those damn Christmas lights looks a little more appealing when it covers them up.
And I love the things that come along with snow. The hot chocolate and electric blankets, and snuggling under with friends to keep warm, and all those awesome Christmas movies that God only knows we can only watch in December. Oh, and don't forget all those awesome limited edition lattes at Starbucks. "'Tis the season," right?
But all this comes with a price. Snow comes down in what seems like dumpster loads of thick icy white stuff all over the place, and then it's like we are desolated in out own homes because we can't go anywhere. And don't think about going sledding because it's only fifteen degrees out with a windchill of negative four, and your eyeballs will freeze in their sockets. Oh, but you can't call off of work, because the roads are semi-plowed, but you better leave four hours early because traffic will no doubt be at an almost stand still starting from your house all the way to your work. And of course school isn't called off either because even though there are four feet of snow, but there are no real bus routes so allow your parents to risk their lives along with your own and the others driving the couple miles to the school to get you there in time, even though half your teachers and classmates don't even show up and you spend the next seven hours watching movies and doing nothing at all, which you could have been doing at home in the first place.
Oh. And don't get me started on shoveling the stuff. The fact that you have to wake up at three AM and go out to shovel the eighteen inches that have already come down, but you also have to wake up before the kids walk to school (you know because school's not closed) because you want to be a good person and not make kids' feet fall off. Plus, even though you just cleared off the sidewalk and made an awesome path to your garage twenty minutes ago, there is another six inches already and you're going to have to go do it all over again. And then around three PM you're gonna have to go out there again and shovel for the kids walking home from school (you know because parents don't want to drive to pick them up because there's five feet of unplowed snow on the roads). And then about a half hour later you'll be out there again to do it all over because another ten inches fell while you were taking off you eskimo parka made out of whale skin and Wolly Mammoth fur (you'll absolutely need one of those because now it's negative thirty-two degrees with a windchill of negative eighty). And you can't stop shoveling until the snow decides to stop, but when this happens it soon turns into ice and makes everything a human death trap waiting to happen. Then shit turns south and no one is going anywhere. ***( I am aware that it doesn't snow at all when it's super cold, but I'm exaggerating a lot because well, when you live through it it definitely feels like it is the way I'm making it out to be).
I think that if snow wants to come around, make it come around in the summer, when it's like ninety-eight degrees and the humidity is unbelievable. Yeah, that's when the snow should show up. I know, that's rain, but it would be awesome if that's how it worked. In a perfect world.
I guess, I can deal with the snow when it's not on the streets and isn't seeping into my converse all-stars and turning my feet into ice cubes.
So lets be thankful for now, that there isn't a whole lot, but mean mister weather man says we're in for some good stuff in a day or two. eff.emm.ell.
Snow, snow,
go away,
please don't come again another day.
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